Eight months ago, I failed a midterm examination worth 50% of my grade. While I did better on the final examination, I did not pass the class. As a result, my plans for graduation were postponed by one semester so that I could retake the course. Thankfully, I earned a ‘B’ on the second pass. Today I took the midterm of another course from the same instructor. Based on my performance during the exam, there is a substantial possibility that I failed this exam.
The possibility of retaking a second course from the same instructor and delaying graduation yet another four months is terrifying. It strikes not only at my finances and future plans, but also at my sense of self-worth. When I was a child, I derived much of my worth from the approbation of others–especially my school teachers–and my academic success. Today I know that my worth is inherent and intrinsic, and that it comes from God. My hope of salvation depends on my faithfulness and obedience, not on any worldly success.
Further, as I was reminded yesterday by a trusted mentor, “It’s not about me.” I’m here to learn and to prepare to serve my patients and provide for my family. It’s not about me.
Finally, I am glad that, during this trial, I was able to control my emotions and avoid transference of the stress to others.
If you are struggling with feelings of worthlessness, I encourage you to pray and ask God, “Lovest Thou me?” I know that He will answer your sincere prayer. He has answered my prayer, and since He is no respecter of persons, and since He is the same yesterday, today, and forever, I know that He will treat you with the same kindness and concern. You are His child. Great is your worth, incredible is your potential. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.